We women are masters at it.
Of course it happens to men too.
And sure there are women who have overcome this pattern.
Still I see women (very much including myself) doing this persistently.
- Maybe, at a group dinner, you defend someone from a belittling comment and end up being the one everyone is upset with...
- You offer to help a colleague with a project and before you know it, everyone is expecting you to complete it…
- Or you might listen to a friend’s sad situation and then find yourself worrying in the middle of the night about how to resolve it....
The female energy is one of receiving and we tend to pull in the bad with the good, without really noticing that it happens. We get sucked right in there and make other people’s problems our own.
Do you recognize any of the following thoughts:
And an even deadlier one:
For me I think it comes down to:
And let’s be honest, you can’t blame others for being happy with us. We are solving issues, carrying energies and fulfilling needs without ever being asked.
What’s not to love about that?
As long as we stay connected to ourselves and making conscious choices, nothing.
If we do it automatically and repeatedly, it may lead us to carry a whole lot of junk that isn’t ours. And if we do this repeatedly, we lose sight of our own interests, feel small and develop aches and pains.
So speaking for myself, it is a balance I need to keep watching:
Being happy to help when I am truly happy to help AND
Being able to say no when it doesn’t feel right OR
Giving back what I have taken on when I realize it is not for me to solve.
Sounds easy-peasy right? ;-)
Of course it happens to men too.
And sure there are women who have overcome this pattern.
Still I see women (very much including myself) doing this persistently.
- Maybe, at a group dinner, you defend someone from a belittling comment and end up being the one everyone is upset with...
- You offer to help a colleague with a project and before you know it, everyone is expecting you to complete it…
- Or you might listen to a friend’s sad situation and then find yourself worrying in the middle of the night about how to resolve it....
The female energy is one of receiving and we tend to pull in the bad with the good, without really noticing that it happens. We get sucked right in there and make other people’s problems our own.
Do you recognize any of the following thoughts:
- It is up to me to keep things running smoothly…
- Well, there’s no point in saying anything NO now, I have always done it…
- I am here anyway so it is little trouble…
- If I was in their shoes, I’d really appreciate someone doing this for me…
- If don’t do it, there will be a confrontation and the whole evening will be ruined...
- Well, they have more important things to do...
And an even deadlier one:
- If I don’t do it, they won’t like me…
For me I think it comes down to:
- Everyone expects it of me…
- It is more efficient if I just do it …
- I don’t want to whine so I’ll just get on with it…
And let’s be honest, you can’t blame others for being happy with us. We are solving issues, carrying energies and fulfilling needs without ever being asked.
What’s not to love about that?
As long as we stay connected to ourselves and making conscious choices, nothing.
If we do it automatically and repeatedly, it may lead us to carry a whole lot of junk that isn’t ours. And if we do this repeatedly, we lose sight of our own interests, feel small and develop aches and pains.
So speaking for myself, it is a balance I need to keep watching:
Being happy to help when I am truly happy to help AND
Being able to say no when it doesn’t feel right OR
Giving back what I have taken on when I realize it is not for me to solve.
Sounds easy-peasy right? ;-)
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